oh, little heart. hold on. hopefully not much longer. my patience is running dry. continuous attempts to release the frustration and pain. but oh, little heart. you deserve so much love. please do not forget.

apparently i hit the invisible button. how the hell did that happen? where did i go? this is a shitty feeling. probably my biggest pet peeve is being ignored. or pushed aside. i do not mean to be unreasonable in thinking i will always be a priority in anyone else's life besides my own, but goodness gracious. technology is bittersweet. life is, too. how can any ONE person possibly know what a person is experiencing that is not their own? perhaps i am selfish. perhaps i am disrespectful. perhaps i am only attempting to do what's best in order to take care of myself. my heart hurts and my stomach is in knots. i didn't sleep at all last night and tonight isn't looking too good either. which is a shame, because this day started out wonderful. i'd just like to know how to reappear before one's eyes. do i have to disappear completely before i will even go unnoticed? i am not one for games, and i fear it may become that. i will try my hardest to keep it from doing so. i am generally one to say what's on my mind. but even that gets me into trouble as well. i am angry. and the only one person that can fix that is myself. no one can make me happy. no one will make me feel loved. i must rely on myself. but damnit aren't we on this earth to coexist? to be interdependent? have i lost my mind? or is the invisible button still on?

late night, much needed reading.

i have been struggling with some negative thoughts, specifically regarding myself. i could no longer handle it, i surrendered to the "gods, fairies, angels" and asked for my pain to be lifted. for a hand to offer me help. i got what i asked for. i can not reiterate how much belief i have in these cards. they always show me just what i need to see, tell me what i'm searching for. thank you, for your help. i am infinitely grateful.


*Immediate Past* 
MIRACLE HEALING: Expect a miracle. You have prayed for assistance, and it is forthcoming. The more completely you surrender your situation to God, the more rapidly you will realize your healing. 
  Heaven is completely on your side, and your prayers have been heard and answered. The healed reality is one of several parallel realities currently available to you. You have the choice, through your thoughts, emotions, and intentions, to experience the highest possible reality for yourself.
  You access your healed situation through faith and gratitude. To feel these powerful catalyzing emotions, say mentally or aloud to God, "I am tired of thinking about this situation. I don't want to deal with it any longer. Here, I am giving the entire thing to You so that You can think about it and resolve it. Thank You so much for taking care of everything." Then, detach completely from the situation.

AFFIRMATION: In truth, everything and everyone, including myself, is healed right now. I focus on this truth, instead of on illusions of fear.


*Present Situation*
LAUGHTER (blockage): Every cloud not only has a silver lining, but it also has a humorous side. Try to objectively stand back from your situations and find a humorous twist. Laughter will help you see your life from a new perspective so that you can receive creative insights and solutions. 
  You are much too serious about life, according to the fairies. They aren't asking you to neglect your responsibilities, let go of the sacred reverence for life, or defend your emotions with jokes. Instead, you're asked to see the humor that runs through the thread of life. 
  Laughter also helps up to stand back and see ourselves and our situations more objectively. When we laugh, we relax. When we relax, creative solutions and renewed energy course through us more easily. So, take time to laugh today.


AFFIRMATION: I find the humor in life, and I laugh easily. 


*Future Outcome*
DETOXIFICATION: You are being guided to clean  your body, environment, mind and heart of toxins. God and the fairies will help you with this endeavor. 
  It's time to let go of toxins, within and around you. This card validates your inner guidance that has been telling you to let go of harmful habits. Go outside in nature, and call upon the fairies to surround you. Ask God and the fairies to help you release toxins from your mind, body and heart. Ask them to help you release your cravings for harmful habits.
  You'll soon find yourself naturally desiring organic fresh food and produce. You'll be guided away from environmental toxins. And most importantly, your thoughts and emotions will veer away from judgment and fear, and will become love-based instead. 


AFFIRMATION: I take excellent care of my body, and I crave only healthful foods and beverages. 

today has been very off and on. oh, sweet rollercoaster of emotions. you are loads of fun. i think i should just quit and meditate. attempt to restore some sense of peace and happiness within myself. we shall see. i shall attempt.

so. much. better. it's amazing how much better i feel when i have something to do to pass the time. something to use my creativity. oh how i've missed this.

screw it.

i'm diving in, head first. sometimes, that's all we can ever do. and everything always works out the way it should. <3

broken.

i feel horrible. i've never felt so dependent upon someone else for happiness. i hate not having a job, something to fill my day. it leaves me sitting at home throwing rude, hurtful comments around in my thoughts. all i can do is think. and it gets me in trouble. i'm tired. i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to imagine what it'd be like to be with the one person i love. i'm tired of doing that. i want to be in his presence. feel his skin against mine. his hand holding mine. his nose nuzzling mine. our lips when i get his sweet kiss. i want to feel the beating of his heart as it vibrates through my body when we embrace. i don't want to think those things anymore. i want to feel them. experience them. i think we both deserve that. my heart is aching right now, longing. and the horrible thoughts of fear...if i'm enough, if i'm wanted, if i'm still loved...haunt me. i would like to run, full speed in the opposite direction of them. i feel so alone in these thoughts. that it just resides within me. that everyone else around me is fine. that you are fine. i almost feel as if i weren't here, that would go unnoticed. i hate this feeling.